Love this kind of thinking Michelle! Completely agree, it's not binary at all, more of a spectrum, and if you get it right at least 80% of the time, it's enough.
It made me think of this recent Huberman tweet:
"Myth 1: thinking we can go w/o daily sun (even if through clouds), exercise, sleep, quality nutrients & human connection & still be healthy.
Myth 2: thinking we’ll dissolve into a puddle of tears/cancer/dementia/early death if we don’t.
Nailing the basics 80% of the time works."
Really enjoyed all the little details about the Indian side, McDonald's and also, laughed a lot with the "Binary Drinks", so perfect 😂😂
Getting it right 80% of the time is a perfect metric to use! That quote of Huberman's tweet is so funny and true. To know it's true too doesn't mean I don't catch myself thinking in extreme's either.
Thank you for the comment and glad you enjoyed the little details and also the photo haha!
I totally agree here :) it’s so easy to think that a habit has to have a streak but I think that it’s more mature to acknowledge getting off the wagon and recognizing even more strongly why you have a habit (or lack thereof) in the first place.
Yes, exactly this! I feel like as I've matured (hopefully) I've gotten better about not letting one miss ruin the whole habit. I used to be very guilty of it in the past, and some habits are harder to keep than others. Thank you for the comment Jen!
Well said, Goose. Lean into the fluidity of everything! Or don't. Or a little. Or sometimes. lol
I've noticed for myself, a lot of things are often very seasonal. I like to play around with things, reassess, and adjust and that works better for me. Whether that's with alcohol, food, exercise, writing, whatever, there's always room to approach things in a different way for different lengths of time. Not being attached to an identity can be so useful/crucial.
Yes! All about leaning into the fluidity of habits. I love the idea of thinking of them as seasons. It feels less do or die, I am or am not. Thank you for the comment Sandra, always appreciate your thoughts!
Interesting & refreshing perspective on habits and identity. Letting go of "all or nothing" mentality relieves the pressure to be perfect at sustaining healthy behaviors.
My qualm with identify-based habits is I feel it can lead to the line of thinking that healthy habits = identity = righteousness & worthiness. Perhaps because our modern society labels things as healthy/unhealthy and good/bad. Moderation doesn't sell, but we can't let that stop us from the imperfect process of self-improvement
Your graceful discipline scale is a nice alternative to the "all or nothing" mentality!
I have definitely been guilty of allowing my good habits to be paired with smugness, which is bad for so many reasons including being a house of cards and generally non empathetic. Moderation doesn't sell! I agree, I think more people would enjoy self-improvement if it didn't feel so black and white.
I like this essay a lot Michelle! Even though Atomic Habits is the book I read at the start of every year, I still agree with you that habits don't have to be an all in thing. Life gets busy and messy and being too hard on yourself for not completing your habit behaviors every day isn't good. Plus, sometimes I think people miss the point of habits and habit tracking...I think for some it becomes less about trying to live a healthier, more active, happier, (insert other reasons for implementing habit here) life and more about checking the box on their habit tracker. They base their productivity for the day and their satisfaction with how the day went based on whether or not every box is checked and that's not the point of habits.
I really like what Oscar said about the Huberman tweet regarding 80%. We as humans aren't perfect, so it's unrealistic to think we'll make the right decision or complete the habit 100% of the time!
I also love Atomic Habits! I think a lot of my good habits stem from reading Clear's book. You are so right too that it's easy to love the habit tools and lose sight of the actual purpose. Maybe it's a good kick off point, but I find personally when I can see changes and embrace the good, that ends up being motivation in itself.
The Huberman tweet is perfect, if we aim for 100% we're setting ourselves up for failure. Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment Rychelle!
Great piece, Michelle! Something like Analog Habits! I really like how you bridge identity and behavior.
I like to describe my relationship with alcohol as non-dual. 😆 I'm a non-drinker when I'm not drinking and a drinker when I'm drinking. It takes the pressure off.
I like to have a flexible resolution on my habits when first starting. Then, once momentum and consistency is established, reassess. Then relax after a while and reset if need be though generally I tend towards process oriented habits.
Hahaha I love that non-dual relationship. It's perfect actually because then you can "stand" your ground when you are not drinking but not tied to the label one way or another.
I love that chain of flexibility in your habit formation, I may try to apply that because I think I do it without realizing it, or at least when habit sticks, I follow that process more. Compassion when I get started, intensity and excitement when I see it working, settling into something normal once it's more ingrained.
You hit on something I've not really considered, which is habits I have that are identity based. I would say I am most rigid or fundamentalist about habits that I have tied to a sense of identity, wanting to be a person who_____ (fill in the blank.) That led me to another line of inquiry which is how much my sense of self is tied to what I DO, vs . . . something else, but I don't even know what that something else would be. So I'd say my own inability to be a flexatarian or flexa-anything is connected to having a weak sense of identity outside of behavior. Hmmm. Very interesting.
I am also the most rigid about my identity based habits! The question you're asking is a really good one, I'm wondering now if it's not good to tie my identity to the things that I do. But I'm not sure if I'm close enough to enlightenment to let them go either haha. Something to chew on, thank you for the thoughtful comment Rick!
Nice read, Michelle. On board with this “good enough” idea. Of course it all works out for normal, generally fit persons. Liked the narrative, as always. And your style. :)
Very good point! With a lot of habits, it becomes difficult to know if we do them to belong to a tribe or if it is unconscious signaling. Tailoring preferences goes a long way to changing behavior over time. If we don't think "it's either I eat junk food or not" but "I eat a bit less now and a bit less later if I see a positive effect", then it becomes easier to change.
So true Alex! I love the additional layer you're bringing in terms of knowing whether it's part of the tribe or not, because there is a lot of that. Maybe good for "good" habits, but that line is grey. Thank you for your comment!
You are spot on with this. Few things in life are binary. When I was a personal trainer, 85% was the number I told people to shoot for. That equates to getting exercise 6 out of 7 days a week and eating 18 out of 21 meals a week as healthy ones (assuming 3 meals a day.) People would read about these ridiculous diets and exercise programs and try to be 100% all in and they would inevitably fail. Getting some type of movement 6 days a week and eating mostly healthy is good enough. And if you do good enough consistently you end up with amazing results. Besides, who the hell can resist McDonald’s fries 100% of the time??
80-85% seems to be the consensus in the comments as well! I didn't know you were a personal trainer at one point, but I can totally see how this idea helps when people are trying to work with someone to get healthy. I've also seen so many people do *many* crash diets and then rubberband back, which I don't blame anybody but to me it's clear the extreme is too much.
McDonald's fries are top tier! Especially if they are hot, I def don't have a 100% success rate. Thank you for the comment Randy!
Love this kind of thinking Michelle! Completely agree, it's not binary at all, more of a spectrum, and if you get it right at least 80% of the time, it's enough.
It made me think of this recent Huberman tweet:
"Myth 1: thinking we can go w/o daily sun (even if through clouds), exercise, sleep, quality nutrients & human connection & still be healthy.
Myth 2: thinking we’ll dissolve into a puddle of tears/cancer/dementia/early death if we don’t.
Nailing the basics 80% of the time works."
Really enjoyed all the little details about the Indian side, McDonald's and also, laughed a lot with the "Binary Drinks", so perfect 😂😂
Getting it right 80% of the time is a perfect metric to use! That quote of Huberman's tweet is so funny and true. To know it's true too doesn't mean I don't catch myself thinking in extreme's either.
Thank you for the comment and glad you enjoyed the little details and also the photo haha!
The drinks photo was hilarious!
haha I think my barista had a little extra sass that day
I totally agree here :) it’s so easy to think that a habit has to have a streak but I think that it’s more mature to acknowledge getting off the wagon and recognizing even more strongly why you have a habit (or lack thereof) in the first place.
Yes, exactly this! I feel like as I've matured (hopefully) I've gotten better about not letting one miss ruin the whole habit. I used to be very guilty of it in the past, and some habits are harder to keep than others. Thank you for the comment Jen!
Well said, Goose. Lean into the fluidity of everything! Or don't. Or a little. Or sometimes. lol
I've noticed for myself, a lot of things are often very seasonal. I like to play around with things, reassess, and adjust and that works better for me. Whether that's with alcohol, food, exercise, writing, whatever, there's always room to approach things in a different way for different lengths of time. Not being attached to an identity can be so useful/crucial.
Yes! All about leaning into the fluidity of habits. I love the idea of thinking of them as seasons. It feels less do or die, I am or am not. Thank you for the comment Sandra, always appreciate your thoughts!
Interesting & refreshing perspective on habits and identity. Letting go of "all or nothing" mentality relieves the pressure to be perfect at sustaining healthy behaviors.
My qualm with identify-based habits is I feel it can lead to the line of thinking that healthy habits = identity = righteousness & worthiness. Perhaps because our modern society labels things as healthy/unhealthy and good/bad. Moderation doesn't sell, but we can't let that stop us from the imperfect process of self-improvement
Your graceful discipline scale is a nice alternative to the "all or nothing" mentality!
I have definitely been guilty of allowing my good habits to be paired with smugness, which is bad for so many reasons including being a house of cards and generally non empathetic. Moderation doesn't sell! I agree, I think more people would enjoy self-improvement if it didn't feel so black and white.
I like this essay a lot Michelle! Even though Atomic Habits is the book I read at the start of every year, I still agree with you that habits don't have to be an all in thing. Life gets busy and messy and being too hard on yourself for not completing your habit behaviors every day isn't good. Plus, sometimes I think people miss the point of habits and habit tracking...I think for some it becomes less about trying to live a healthier, more active, happier, (insert other reasons for implementing habit here) life and more about checking the box on their habit tracker. They base their productivity for the day and their satisfaction with how the day went based on whether or not every box is checked and that's not the point of habits.
I really like what Oscar said about the Huberman tweet regarding 80%. We as humans aren't perfect, so it's unrealistic to think we'll make the right decision or complete the habit 100% of the time!
I also love Atomic Habits! I think a lot of my good habits stem from reading Clear's book. You are so right too that it's easy to love the habit tools and lose sight of the actual purpose. Maybe it's a good kick off point, but I find personally when I can see changes and embrace the good, that ends up being motivation in itself.
The Huberman tweet is perfect, if we aim for 100% we're setting ourselves up for failure. Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment Rychelle!
Great piece, Michelle! Something like Analog Habits! I really like how you bridge identity and behavior.
I like to describe my relationship with alcohol as non-dual. 😆 I'm a non-drinker when I'm not drinking and a drinker when I'm drinking. It takes the pressure off.
I like to have a flexible resolution on my habits when first starting. Then, once momentum and consistency is established, reassess. Then relax after a while and reset if need be though generally I tend towards process oriented habits.
Hahaha I love that non-dual relationship. It's perfect actually because then you can "stand" your ground when you are not drinking but not tied to the label one way or another.
I love that chain of flexibility in your habit formation, I may try to apply that because I think I do it without realizing it, or at least when habit sticks, I follow that process more. Compassion when I get started, intensity and excitement when I see it working, settling into something normal once it's more ingrained.
You hit on something I've not really considered, which is habits I have that are identity based. I would say I am most rigid or fundamentalist about habits that I have tied to a sense of identity, wanting to be a person who_____ (fill in the blank.) That led me to another line of inquiry which is how much my sense of self is tied to what I DO, vs . . . something else, but I don't even know what that something else would be. So I'd say my own inability to be a flexatarian or flexa-anything is connected to having a weak sense of identity outside of behavior. Hmmm. Very interesting.
I am also the most rigid about my identity based habits! The question you're asking is a really good one, I'm wondering now if it's not good to tie my identity to the things that I do. But I'm not sure if I'm close enough to enlightenment to let them go either haha. Something to chew on, thank you for the thoughtful comment Rick!
Nice read, Michelle. On board with this “good enough” idea. Of course it all works out for normal, generally fit persons. Liked the narrative, as always. And your style. :)
Thank you Silvio! I feel like you probably toe this line really well based off what I know and what I've read from you.
Very good point! With a lot of habits, it becomes difficult to know if we do them to belong to a tribe or if it is unconscious signaling. Tailoring preferences goes a long way to changing behavior over time. If we don't think "it's either I eat junk food or not" but "I eat a bit less now and a bit less later if I see a positive effect", then it becomes easier to change.
So true Alex! I love the additional layer you're bringing in terms of knowing whether it's part of the tribe or not, because there is a lot of that. Maybe good for "good" habits, but that line is grey. Thank you for your comment!
You are spot on with this. Few things in life are binary. When I was a personal trainer, 85% was the number I told people to shoot for. That equates to getting exercise 6 out of 7 days a week and eating 18 out of 21 meals a week as healthy ones (assuming 3 meals a day.) People would read about these ridiculous diets and exercise programs and try to be 100% all in and they would inevitably fail. Getting some type of movement 6 days a week and eating mostly healthy is good enough. And if you do good enough consistently you end up with amazing results. Besides, who the hell can resist McDonald’s fries 100% of the time??
80-85% seems to be the consensus in the comments as well! I didn't know you were a personal trainer at one point, but I can totally see how this idea helps when people are trying to work with someone to get healthy. I've also seen so many people do *many* crash diets and then rubberband back, which I don't blame anybody but to me it's clear the extreme is too much.
McDonald's fries are top tier! Especially if they are hot, I def don't have a 100% success rate. Thank you for the comment Randy!