Oh man, what a direct hit this piece was for me, sitting up here late at the computer, a few hours past the time my body had said enough, trying to keep up with all the wonderful writing opportunities and friends, but driven by that perfectionistic mob boss in my head. Ok, I'm going to bed before I catch a cold. This voice of sanity came at the perfect time.
Yes!! I feel like you can definitely relate, Rick haha. The one benefit of being sick was sitting on my couch and being able to catch up on Substacks. I hope you got some rest! This whole thing is a marathon.
man is it ever. I have a full week of business travel shoehorned into the mix now as well. squeezing words between flights, shuttles, hotel rooms, and airport food! ha ha, ok, I’ve just been chastised by a flight attendant to put away my devices!
haha have a safe flight! I have a small preview into the insanity after the WOP live session last night. Where btw, you got a very well deserved shout out!
May 9, 2023·edited May 9, 2023Liked by Michelle Elisabeth Varghese
100%. It’s the thoughts and emotions that serve as the best prompts. The experiences that create them are merely vehicles so even a seemingly short or insignificant experience can prompt a full blown essay if it evokes something in us.
Thank you Alexandra! Now (a week later) I am feeling a lot better. Self Compassion is definitely a constant practice. You're right too, with challenges come growth and with growth comes great content hahaha
Yes! Whenever someone writes that they missed a deadline or posted late, I never noticed! Not because I don't care, I'm always grateful to come across their next piece of work, but because there's no way I have everyone's schedules memorized. Thank you for the comment and the reminder that we do live these wonderful lives where we control both our output and also when to make time to care for ourselves.
Awww yeah, when I wrote it out, I was like dang, that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Thank you so much Josh for saying that! That is literally my fear every week haha. With every good piece, there's a deep satisfaction and then that, oh shoot! feeling haha
The way I combat it, personally, is reminding myself of this rationale:
saying I have to maintain a certain bar makes no sense and isn’t fair to me. Here’s why:
It’s not like a race or a measurement. I can’t weigh a piece of writing and get an objective goodness score.
It’s not defined. Telling myself I have to accomplish something that’s not defined is not fair to me.
But let’s say it is defined. Let’s say I define it by views or engagement.
I can’t control that. So, again, not fair to tie my sense of accomplishment to it.
Fine, what can I control? How about whether or not it resonates with myself?
Still no!
In order for it to resonate, there has to be a sense of novelty. Of creation. And creation involves making something new. And making something new involves risk and uncertainty.
I can’t control that either! Sometimes I’ll stumble upon something that resonates with me, sometimes I won’t. I can’t summon that on command because I’m not aware of it in the first place. That’s why I’m writing, living life, etc - in order to invite those ideas. They’ll come when they’re ready.
Well DAMN. What can I control?
My habits. Making genuine attempts. Doing what feels right. Following my curiosity.
That’s about it. As long as I do those things, that’s my side of the bargain. I can genuinely feel like I did what I could.
At least for me, if I did those things, that voice becomes a blip instead of a nag.
Like if I pump something out and it’s not my best, but I did what I could, I’ll still hear that voice, but I have a loooot easier time making peace with it. It’ll go away instead of nagging me.
Oof, didn’t expect this to be that long. I hope it was helpful.. if not, hope you don’t mind me using your comments section as a preachy soapbox =)
It really does! A lesson I learn too many times haha and yes along with self compassion. Thank you for the comment, I'm so happy to hear you liked it and it made you giggle!
"I guess I wasn’t perfectly fine with the decision, as I still had dreams about writing this essay" so relatable fam.
This was me three or four weeks ago. I didn't write that night and I remember thinking that I'd have taken the day off if I was in my old job. but being on this path, consistency compounds and I felt like it'd be bad to skip a week. I took the night off, felt better and got my essay out that week. but in all reality, it would have been fine to skip a week. or I could do what's becoming one of my favourite things to do....what you've done here....write about what's stopping you from writing and follow the threads there. great piece
Ah so nice to know someone else in the same position shares the same pressures haha! It's funny because there's both a power in knowing that you can show up every week and build something for yourself, and sometimes also the thing that drives that habit can turn around and cause you stress too. This led to a nice moment where I had the same realization that I could skip a week and actually, but biggest fear I realized was that I'd stop. But I then realized, hey, I have faith in you to keep going, even if you do so imperfectly! Thank you Tobi!
Your ability to notice your inner critic as they appear shows an attuned level of awareness. It's something I continue to struggle with, especially in the heat of the moment.
The mental hack to treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping is excellent. Highlights how we're way harder on ourselves than we would be on someone we care for.
Thank you so much Tommy, that's so kind! I've gotten better about recognizing the inner critic, which has helped me a lot in my external relationships as well. There's still more to learn as it's a constant practice, but in moments like this, writing helps me dig deeper and process what's going on.
Kristin Neff’s book was an essential companion when I was going through my divorce. This was such a vulnerable piece—one that I can relate to very much! Thank you for writing it, with the timing that felt right for you.
Thank you so much Maddie, I'm so happy to hear it resonated. That's amazing to hear! Neff has been an amazing teacher to me as well, writing this piece and your comment is reminding me to revisit the book.
Hope you are feeling better now Michelle! Also, is the "imagining your problem as a friend's problem" the spiritual twin of "asking for a friend"? That would be hilarious LOL. Glad you are healing and thanks for another issue full of humor and story!
Thank you so much Helen, I am doing so much better than a week ago. Hahaha oh my gosh, I love the "spiritual twin of 'asking for a friend," that's perfect.
Thank you so much Camilo, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this back and forth. I appreciate you, I am feeling so much better than I was a week ago.
This piece is so relatable and flows so nicely. +1 on the topic of self compassion and Kristin Neff. Very meta and timely. Thanks Michelle for sharing!
Noooo Celeste, I hope you are doing better! I can understand wanting to prioritize such an amazing opportunity like that, and it's easier too when we can do it remote. I hope you did give yourself a break and some rest! I am appreciating how nice it is that the only person I need to get permission from is myself. At least I am invested in my own well being haha. Thank you for your comment!
Yay she’s back! And glad you are on the mend. You can’t pour from an empty cup so good thing you got that rest!
Thanks for another great lesson, your wisdom is so timely 🥹💕✨
Thank you Kelly! Yes, soo true about pouring from an empty cup. I realized that if I kept going, I was doing anyone a favor.
Pretending your problem is a friend’s problem! That’s a trick I completely forgot about and so impactful.
Thank you for the comment Catalina! I agree, it's a helpful tool to have in your pocket.
Oh man, what a direct hit this piece was for me, sitting up here late at the computer, a few hours past the time my body had said enough, trying to keep up with all the wonderful writing opportunities and friends, but driven by that perfectionistic mob boss in my head. Ok, I'm going to bed before I catch a cold. This voice of sanity came at the perfect time.
Yes!! I feel like you can definitely relate, Rick haha. The one benefit of being sick was sitting on my couch and being able to catch up on Substacks. I hope you got some rest! This whole thing is a marathon.
And as a writing friend, I want you to know I do appreciate all the support!
man is it ever. I have a full week of business travel shoehorned into the mix now as well. squeezing words between flights, shuttles, hotel rooms, and airport food! ha ha, ok, I’ve just been chastised by a flight attendant to put away my devices!
haha have a safe flight! I have a small preview into the insanity after the WOP live session last night. Where btw, you got a very well deserved shout out!
That is a sign that you take a break. My flu is still going, since last Tuesday...
Noooo Celeste I hope you feel better now!
Feel better, Michelle! 💛
I love the wisdom you’ve shared about self compassion and the framing of “what would I tell a friend.” This is something I’m working on too.
Also, isn’t it cool how our challenges become excellent writing prompts? #SilverLinings 😊
I was thinking the same thing. Get stuck in an airport or fall ill and you know there's an essay or two there!
100%. It’s the thoughts and emotions that serve as the best prompts. The experiences that create them are merely vehicles so even a seemingly short or insignificant experience can prompt a full blown essay if it evokes something in us.
Thank you Alexandra! Now (a week later) I am feeling a lot better. Self Compassion is definitely a constant practice. You're right too, with challenges come growth and with growth comes great content hahaha
“it’s ok, no one will even notice and what’s the point in continuing to suffer?”
Understanding that has been the game changer for me personally to have more self-compassion.
I think about my most favourite creators & wonder if I would care or even realise if they posted a day late, I absolutely would not.
We live this wonderful life as creators where our inaction actually doesn't have consequences, so why not take advantage of that?
Yes! Whenever someone writes that they missed a deadline or posted late, I never noticed! Not because I don't care, I'm always grateful to come across their next piece of work, but because there's no way I have everyone's schedules memorized. Thank you for the comment and the reminder that we do live these wonderful lives where we control both our output and also when to make time to care for ourselves.
Oooof that “turned to beat myself up” voice is gut-wrenchingly familiar!!
FWIW you being sick hasn’t impacted the quality of your writing =) another banger for the books!
But also if you’re like me you might take that as “yay but also damn now I have a high bar for the next essays” 🤪
Fortunately we have self compassion!!
Awww yeah, when I wrote it out, I was like dang, that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Thank you so much Josh for saying that! That is literally my fear every week haha. With every good piece, there's a deep satisfaction and then that, oh shoot! feeling haha
you’re welcome!
The way I combat it, personally, is reminding myself of this rationale:
saying I have to maintain a certain bar makes no sense and isn’t fair to me. Here’s why:
It’s not like a race or a measurement. I can’t weigh a piece of writing and get an objective goodness score.
It’s not defined. Telling myself I have to accomplish something that’s not defined is not fair to me.
But let’s say it is defined. Let’s say I define it by views or engagement.
I can’t control that. So, again, not fair to tie my sense of accomplishment to it.
Fine, what can I control? How about whether or not it resonates with myself?
Still no!
In order for it to resonate, there has to be a sense of novelty. Of creation. And creation involves making something new. And making something new involves risk and uncertainty.
I can’t control that either! Sometimes I’ll stumble upon something that resonates with me, sometimes I won’t. I can’t summon that on command because I’m not aware of it in the first place. That’s why I’m writing, living life, etc - in order to invite those ideas. They’ll come when they’re ready.
Well DAMN. What can I control?
My habits. Making genuine attempts. Doing what feels right. Following my curiosity.
That’s about it. As long as I do those things, that’s my side of the bargain. I can genuinely feel like I did what I could.
At least for me, if I did those things, that voice becomes a blip instead of a nag.
Like if I pump something out and it’s not my best, but I did what I could, I’ll still hear that voice, but I have a loooot easier time making peace with it. It’ll go away instead of nagging me.
Oof, didn’t expect this to be that long. I hope it was helpful.. if not, hope you don’t mind me using your comments section as a preachy soapbox =)
Helloooo do you c&p this and make it your next essay 😂 thank you for writing this all out!
Good lesson Michelle!
Thank you so much Chris!
Ah yes. The universe always like, if you don't make time to rest, I will find a way to force you to rest! Good job, universe.
Practicing self compassion feels like one of those lessons I have to keep relearning again and again.
"Hanging Out With Patient 0" made me giggle. Dammit Goose. Stop being so funny.
It really does! A lesson I learn too many times haha and yes along with self compassion. Thank you for the comment, I'm so happy to hear you liked it and it made you giggle!
"I guess I wasn’t perfectly fine with the decision, as I still had dreams about writing this essay" so relatable fam.
This was me three or four weeks ago. I didn't write that night and I remember thinking that I'd have taken the day off if I was in my old job. but being on this path, consistency compounds and I felt like it'd be bad to skip a week. I took the night off, felt better and got my essay out that week. but in all reality, it would have been fine to skip a week. or I could do what's becoming one of my favourite things to do....what you've done here....write about what's stopping you from writing and follow the threads there. great piece
Ah so nice to know someone else in the same position shares the same pressures haha! It's funny because there's both a power in knowing that you can show up every week and build something for yourself, and sometimes also the thing that drives that habit can turn around and cause you stress too. This led to a nice moment where I had the same realization that I could skip a week and actually, but biggest fear I realized was that I'd stop. But I then realized, hey, I have faith in you to keep going, even if you do so imperfectly! Thank you Tobi!
Loved this essay Michelle.
Your ability to notice your inner critic as they appear shows an attuned level of awareness. It's something I continue to struggle with, especially in the heat of the moment.
The mental hack to treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping is excellent. Highlights how we're way harder on ourselves than we would be on someone we care for.
Thank you for sharing your gifts :)
Thank you so much Tommy, that's so kind! I've gotten better about recognizing the inner critic, which has helped me a lot in my external relationships as well. There's still more to learn as it's a constant practice, but in moments like this, writing helps me dig deeper and process what's going on.
Kristin Neff’s book was an essential companion when I was going through my divorce. This was such a vulnerable piece—one that I can relate to very much! Thank you for writing it, with the timing that felt right for you.
Thank you so much Maddie, I'm so happy to hear it resonated. That's amazing to hear! Neff has been an amazing teacher to me as well, writing this piece and your comment is reminding me to revisit the book.
Hope you are feeling better now Michelle! Also, is the "imagining your problem as a friend's problem" the spiritual twin of "asking for a friend"? That would be hilarious LOL. Glad you are healing and thanks for another issue full of humor and story!
Thank you so much Helen, I am doing so much better than a week ago. Hahaha oh my gosh, I love the "spiritual twin of 'asking for a friend," that's perfect.
Ooof I've had the same inner monologue many times! Glad you honored your health and practiced self-compassion. Hope you are feeling better now!
Thank you so much Camilo, it's comforting to know I'm not alone in this back and forth. I appreciate you, I am feeling so much better than I was a week ago.
This piece is so relatable and flows so nicely. +1 on the topic of self compassion and Kristin Neff. Very meta and timely. Thanks Michelle for sharing!
Thank you so much Tai! Both for the kind words and for the vote of confidence when I was ready to publish, I really needed it.
I have been sick since last Tuesday. And I have already scheduled Danny’s interview before I was sick. So that is incredible.
And for next Thursday, I am planning to just do something small and ask my readers to do polls.
My current day job taught me that nobody cares if you are sick, you just have to do the work. Now I know what I want for my next one :)
Noooo Celeste, I hope you are doing better! I can understand wanting to prioritize such an amazing opportunity like that, and it's easier too when we can do it remote. I hope you did give yourself a break and some rest! I am appreciating how nice it is that the only person I need to get permission from is myself. At least I am invested in my own well being haha. Thank you for your comment!
I forgot to send the next one. But it was amazing progress that I didn’t beat myself up for that. Back to the game next week, I guess.
Beautiful reflection, Michelle. I have to check out Kristin Neff's book. I feel there's something important for me there. Thank you!
Thank you so much Silvio! It is a good read. I need to revisit it as she always has something new for me each time I reread it.