Such an honest and authentic story. It seems to me that your willingness to talk about this so openly is the real act of renunciation, giving up the cultural habit of pretending, hiding and masking our true selves. Alcohol is just a symptom of that more poisonous cultural habit.
Yes! This is so on the money, Rick. It's interesting to look back and see how my own relationship to sobriety has changed over the last couple years (I'm much more comfortable with it).
Beautifully written. When the time is right the moment finds you.
Parts also stood out that remind me of Guard Rail decision making: it is easier for others to accept "I don't drink (on weekdays)" than "I limit myself to two".
Thank you, Karena! I hadn't heard of Guard Rail decision making but that is exactly how I felt. It's been a lot easier to set the standard as not drinking than to try to make new rules every single time.
I'll send you a link to my book on decision behaviours where I talk about it. Trip wires is another way to find out more about this. It reduces decision fatigue, and is the same reason Obama, Jobs and Zuckerberg have a simple wardrobe.
Damn, this is so good. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I found myself nodding as you describe the transition from college to post-grad life in SF. I’ve been there.
Your story makes me feel less alone and the journey you share is one that many can relate to.
The description of your family parties reminds me of mine when I was a kid—everyone playing poker well into the morning and my Grandpa drinking 7-7s.
The dehydration you mentioned was the nail in the coffin for me. I hated feeling like that the next day. It made everything harder, especially workouts. While I never “officially” claimed I was quitting, it's been several years since I've had a drink. Good to know I'm not the only one!
Yes! It's funny to look back and see how pervasive drinking was.
That's awesome to hear you've abstained as well! I now realize it's normal to want to slow down on the drinking as you get older because it's so hard to live a healthy productive lifestyle while doing so.
Thank you for your kind words and for your encouragement when my draft was in it's roughest state! If you read the book, I'll be curious to know what you think.
Thank you, Rychelle, I really appreciate it! This is definitely one of the most personal essays I've written. It's worth it though to realize other people are on this journey as well! 💛
Very relatable storytelling and great clarity in your writing. Well done on the piece and the realization around drinking. I am on a similar path. Deciding to wake up at 5:15am every day to write means there's no way I can have a drink the night before. I've still been having a drink or two on the weekend and the deleterious effect even those one or two have on my body and mood is so obvious I'm ready to cut out the weekend drinks as well. Thanks for the encouragement with your post!
Thank you so much, Jesse! I cannot wake up at 5:15am even without drinking, so I admire your dedication to the early morning writing sessions. It's great to hear you found it encouraging! There wasn't a place for it in this essay, but I've never missed drinking once I quit!
I loss 20 lbs this year, I attribute a lot of it to quitting drinking. I've started allowing a few drinks again and notice myself being thrown off a bit in other areas of my life, so this all resonates!
Happy to hear the essay resonated and that's so interesting to hear about the weight loss. Crazy to realize how much drinking can impact us. I happened to lose weight around the same time I quit drinking, and a lot of my friends who I've seen after years will ask me if it's related. It's not, but at the same time, quitting drinking led to a lot of healthy lifestyle changes!
“We didn’t talk about it. We didn’t have to. It was part of our culture.” - yes! I read ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace and learned so much more about this. Excellent piece, Michelle!
I'm curious to know what Naval has said about drinking. Part of my inspiration to quit was realizing so many successful people don't drink - I think Richard Branson on Tim Ferriss' podcast was the first major celebrity I heard talk about this.
I've never been a heavy drinker, but I was in a long-term relationship with someone who developed a drinking problem. At the time alcohol was so prevalent in my social scene that I felt like it was just something I had to deal with.
I feel very lucky that I'm now married to an almost-teetotaler, and I have a fantastic group of friends who barely drink. We have tons of fun together :)
For anyone reading this: if you're in an alcoholic social scene and don't want to be, know that there are other scenes full of playful people who don't drink. They can be hard to find, but seeking them out is worth it ime.
Such a timely topic and beautifully written! It's amazing how we don't question what's customary. I'm glad you found a way that makes you feel whole and alive. I stopped drinking some years ago too. It was hard for friends and family to accept at first, but it eventually became normal. These days it's easier with more non-alcoholic options that aren't soda or juice. Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to have a few more friends in the quit drinking club.
Such an honest and authentic story. It seems to me that your willingness to talk about this so openly is the real act of renunciation, giving up the cultural habit of pretending, hiding and masking our true selves. Alcohol is just a symptom of that more poisonous cultural habit.
Yes! This is so on the money, Rick. It's interesting to look back and see how my own relationship to sobriety has changed over the last couple years (I'm much more comfortable with it).
Yes, I think you sharing that comfort level is a real service to those who've been grappling with the same thing.
Thank you, Rick! I really appreciate that.
Beautifully written. When the time is right the moment finds you.
Parts also stood out that remind me of Guard Rail decision making: it is easier for others to accept "I don't drink (on weekdays)" than "I limit myself to two".
Thank you, Karena! I hadn't heard of Guard Rail decision making but that is exactly how I felt. It's been a lot easier to set the standard as not drinking than to try to make new rules every single time.
I'll send you a link to my book on decision behaviours where I talk about it. Trip wires is another way to find out more about this. It reduces decision fatigue, and is the same reason Obama, Jobs and Zuckerberg have a simple wardrobe.
Yes, please do! I'm a fan of reducing decision fatigue (ie eating the same breakfast every day) and am curious to learn more.
Yay now I feel less alone in not-drinking :)
me too :)
Damn, this is so good. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I found myself nodding as you describe the transition from college to post-grad life in SF. I’ve been there.
Your story makes me feel less alone and the journey you share is one that many can relate to.
It prompted me to buy the audiobook too :)
Ahhh thank you so much Rachael! I'm happy to hear it was relatable and definitely a strong testament that you purchased the audiobook!
The description of your family parties reminds me of mine when I was a kid—everyone playing poker well into the morning and my Grandpa drinking 7-7s.
The dehydration you mentioned was the nail in the coffin for me. I hated feeling like that the next day. It made everything harder, especially workouts. While I never “officially” claimed I was quitting, it's been several years since I've had a drink. Good to know I'm not the only one!
Yes! It's funny to look back and see how pervasive drinking was.
That's awesome to hear you've abstained as well! I now realize it's normal to want to slow down on the drinking as you get older because it's so hard to live a healthy productive lifestyle while doing so.
I'll make you tea when we hang :)
yes please, I love tea 💛
Great article to touch on such an important, current topic. Definitely reading that book!
Thank you for your kind words and for your encouragement when my draft was in it's roughest state! If you read the book, I'll be curious to know what you think.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey with a topic that not many people want to talk about 💜
I really feel like I was reading my own journey from a few years ago!
Thank you, Rychelle, I really appreciate it! This is definitely one of the most personal essays I've written. It's worth it though to realize other people are on this journey as well! 💛
Very relatable storytelling and great clarity in your writing. Well done on the piece and the realization around drinking. I am on a similar path. Deciding to wake up at 5:15am every day to write means there's no way I can have a drink the night before. I've still been having a drink or two on the weekend and the deleterious effect even those one or two have on my body and mood is so obvious I'm ready to cut out the weekend drinks as well. Thanks for the encouragement with your post!
Thank you so much, Jesse! I cannot wake up at 5:15am even without drinking, so I admire your dedication to the early morning writing sessions. It's great to hear you found it encouraging! There wasn't a place for it in this essay, but I've never missed drinking once I quit!
"my hype woman energy" made me laugh
I loss 20 lbs this year, I attribute a lot of it to quitting drinking. I've started allowing a few drinks again and notice myself being thrown off a bit in other areas of my life, so this all resonates!
haha I have mad hype woman energy!
Happy to hear the essay resonated and that's so interesting to hear about the weight loss. Crazy to realize how much drinking can impact us. I happened to lose weight around the same time I quit drinking, and a lot of my friends who I've seen after years will ask me if it's related. It's not, but at the same time, quitting drinking led to a lot of healthy lifestyle changes!
“We didn’t talk about it. We didn’t have to. It was part of our culture.” - yes! I read ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace and learned so much more about this. Excellent piece, Michelle!
Thank you Kelly for all your kind words and support throughout! I'm going to have to check out 'This Naked Mind' as well.
Great piece! VERY relatable as I have a similar relationship with drinking. Listening to Naval helped me shift my mindset.
Thank you so much, Brent!
I'm curious to know what Naval has said about drinking. Part of my inspiration to quit was realizing so many successful people don't drink - I think Richard Branson on Tim Ferriss' podcast was the first major celebrity I heard talk about this.
Yay! I'm so happy to hear that.
I've never been a heavy drinker, but I was in a long-term relationship with someone who developed a drinking problem. At the time alcohol was so prevalent in my social scene that I felt like it was just something I had to deal with.
I feel very lucky that I'm now married to an almost-teetotaler, and I have a fantastic group of friends who barely drink. We have tons of fun together :)
For anyone reading this: if you're in an alcoholic social scene and don't want to be, know that there are other scenes full of playful people who don't drink. They can be hard to find, but seeking them out is worth it ime.
Such a timely topic and beautifully written! It's amazing how we don't question what's customary. I'm glad you found a way that makes you feel whole and alive. I stopped drinking some years ago too. It was hard for friends and family to accept at first, but it eventually became normal. These days it's easier with more non-alcoholic options that aren't soda or juice. Thanks for sharing your story. It's nice to have a few more friends in the quit drinking club.