Thank you for writing this! Botox has become ubiquitous, which is scary considering there is some research associating it with reduction in empathy.
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from psychologist and author Harriet Lerner:
"Our society doesn't promote self-acceptance and it never will. First of all, self-acceptance doesn't sell products. Capitalism would fall if we liked ourselves the way we are now."
I didn't know that about Botox! I deeply resonate with this quote you shared. I understand having hang ups and insecurities, but there is also too much money to be made in creating problems.
I really enjoyed reading this, Michelle! I remember when I lived in LA years ago, I was surprised when I started hearing some of my girlfriends attending "Botox parties." Considering I wasn't 25 years old yet, I wasn't invited. But the idea that looking youthful being associated with brunches began to feel like if I don't do it eventually, I won't be part of the group. Then when I started working at Sephora HQ, I'd get free luxury skincare products frequently, but was hesitant about using them for fear of being dependent on a 5oz moisturizer that costs $150 a bottle.
Now I just get the pure non-brand ingredients that aren't branded, but amazing for my skin. It helps looking past the marketing and the cult.
I haven't heard of Botox parties but I believe they exist and I believe they exist in LA. I get FOMO just hearing about you being too young to be invited. It's interesting to hear your thought process about getting used to expensive products, I had a similar back and forth with myself when I needed to replace the things I was using. I was so tempted! I find I often like the non-brand stuff more because it's more pure ingredients and less filled with things like fragrance. Thank you for the comment!
Thank you Camilo! Also, as someone in my poetry class, I hope you can appreciate how much your compliment means to me. My goal is to improve my prose so I appreciate you saying it's becoming more lyrical. Iambs coming soon!
When I first moved to London, you would’ve thought I’d moved to the desert! My skin was so dry from the hard water. My Aussie roommate even threw out all her make up thinking that was the problem. But it was the water. And after numerous face creams, I finally found one that helped—it turned out to be a jelly like cream that was ironically produced in Canada! Here’s the link (you could prob get it on Amazon in the US): https://www.boots.com/indeed-labs-hydraluron-moisture-jelly-10177191.
Great message though! As someone who hates needles, I don’t see Botox etc in my future so I just hope I age gracefully.
"My acceptance of aging must have put some crazy manifestation into the world. Soon after I came to this conclusion, I was unexpectedly gifted a lifetime supply of cleanser and lotion." -- well put, Michelle! Sometimes the whole universe conspires to make sure we get what we need, when we need it. But this time it seems like the opposite. Your "playing hard to get" with aging awareness has played its magic lol! Very nice essay, I really enjoyed it. And the underlying message is powerful.
Haha Silvio, I like the idea that playing hard to get with the universe is what happened. If I'm being honest, I underplayed my desperation for a new lotion. On one of our podcasts, we did the Dreamline exercise from Tim Ferriss' playbook and I go on about how the one thing I wish I could afford was skincare. So this was a lesson for me in learning to dream bigger!
I appreciate your feedback on my draft and comment here!
What a great reminder to focus on what matters and the rest will take care of itself (life receiving that lifetime supply 🤣). All with you on this pro-aging movement and embracing the wrinkles!
Yes, ironically, since embracing aging, I feel as though I get more comments about how young I look. Sometimes I wonder if everything can be oversimplified to acceptance and confidence. I am still all about embracing aging!
Yuss!! Ageing/old age is a natural process, why to bother it? In early buddhist teachings, monks/nuns used to recollect "we are subject to ageing and not exempt from ageing", it helps them to NOT to intoxicate with youth. Thanks for the reminder, I'll probably end up saving a few bucks now.
I love this "subject to ageing, not exempt from ageing" idea! What a helpful reframe. Haha and I hope I can save you a few bucks at some point. I definitely think I will if I can remind myself of this.
I have been thinking so much about pro-aging. This is a great honest piece. Sometimes I wonder if I am pro-aging because, in conventional standards, I am aging well. I'm from filipino descent and wrinkles don't tend come as quickly as others. I also have a thin body, thanks to genetics. I often ask myself, would I feel the same way if my body naturally went "south" with aging?
I really love that you brought this up Stephanie, I've had this same conversation with myself and it's always easier to be "secure" in the things that are going well. For example, if self acceptance means I have to let my body hair grow wild, I know for sure I'm not jumping on that train first. There are other insecurities I have that have deep roots and are complicated by circumstance.
That's why I also think it's good for me to take a step back and examine what are the things that deeply bother me vs what is something that has been sold to me recently. Anti-aging was one the creeped up on me, and I was surprised actually to realize I didn't care that much about it.
There's a lot of layers to this conversations that I don't even know if I have the words to express at this point. I really appreciate the thoughtful comment!
Yes! I am probably going to write about this topic too. Curious, how old are you? I would love to interview people from different ages to get their perspectives on anti-aging/pro-aging. Would you want to chat? I promise I won't bite!
Really thoughtful perspective here Michelle. Thanks for sharing it! My generation is hitting 40 now, and so many people I know are obsessed with skin care. I think your take and reasoning are offer a refreshing alternative. I personally like the way aging well looks. I shock of grey hair and smile lines that suggest a generally happy disposition, reveal the wisdom and and experience we accumulate over time :)
I love that perspective Jon and I agree. I find that naturally, I find a warmness to many of the things that are highlighted as bad. I appreciate the comment!
Also - being suddenly gifted a lifetime supply of cleanser is pretty wild. The older I get the more I kinda believe in a weird sort of karmic mysticism - or like coincidences that are perfectly rational, but are better experienced as like "mystic wonder" - enjoyed ya piece!
I'm happy to hear it resonated Ranjit! I totally agree with you about getting older and believing in a karmic mysticism. I underplayed in this article how much I was manifesting skincare products. I even spoke about it on an episode of my podcast with my sister where we did Tim Ferriss' dreamlining exercise. I literally said, all I really want that I don't have is better skincare products. When I received it, I was like ok, I clearly need to dream bigger haha. I appreciate the comment!
Hi Michelle, I wrote a piece on aging and mentioned your piece in it! I believe I'm a bit older than you and I also have a daughter. It's a different perspective but I think it could resonate. https://stephaniecooley.substack.com/p/i-dont-want-to-grow-old
Great piece, Michelle! A really good execution on taking your personal perspective to make a social observation.
A reframe I have about gray hairs and other signs of aging: we should be so lucky for each of those gray hairs; not everyone lives long enough to enjoy them.
Thank you so much Tai! I love that you said this because it really resonates with me. I have my vanities for sure, but I am also super appreciative for every day I get. We really are lucky for each of those grey hairs!
I was wondering if you were going to mention the elixir that creates beautiful, healthy, elastic, youthful skin. There were some glimmers, some potential avenues, but I couldn't see it in the end!
Haha Eric! I have become to tell my friends that the secret to anti-aging is quitting your job, so you can imagine I'm not the most fun at parties. Maybe I will get into the elixer of youth business instead. Thank you for the comment!
Last week a lady at the mall tried to sell me an exfoliator for $435 -- she had quite the nerve 😂
She was exfoliating your wallet.
🤣🤣🤣
😂😂
That's hilarious Leo - I'm convinced she wanted other people to believe you were using it so they would buy it too!
Thank you for writing this! Botox has become ubiquitous, which is scary considering there is some research associating it with reduction in empathy.
This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from psychologist and author Harriet Lerner:
"Our society doesn't promote self-acceptance and it never will. First of all, self-acceptance doesn't sell products. Capitalism would fall if we liked ourselves the way we are now."
I didn't know that about Botox! I deeply resonate with this quote you shared. I understand having hang ups and insecurities, but there is also too much money to be made in creating problems.
Unexpectedly being gifted a lifetime supply of moisturizer in the desert sounds like you found a fountain of something!
hahaha I'm not going to lie, this was a turning point for me in buying into manifestations!
I really enjoyed reading this, Michelle! I remember when I lived in LA years ago, I was surprised when I started hearing some of my girlfriends attending "Botox parties." Considering I wasn't 25 years old yet, I wasn't invited. But the idea that looking youthful being associated with brunches began to feel like if I don't do it eventually, I won't be part of the group. Then when I started working at Sephora HQ, I'd get free luxury skincare products frequently, but was hesitant about using them for fear of being dependent on a 5oz moisturizer that costs $150 a bottle.
Now I just get the pure non-brand ingredients that aren't branded, but amazing for my skin. It helps looking past the marketing and the cult.
I haven't heard of Botox parties but I believe they exist and I believe they exist in LA. I get FOMO just hearing about you being too young to be invited. It's interesting to hear your thought process about getting used to expensive products, I had a similar back and forth with myself when I needed to replace the things I was using. I was so tempted! I find I often like the non-brand stuff more because it's more pure ingredients and less filled with things like fragrance. Thank you for the comment!
Intersting reflection. I liked the Fountain of Youth FOMO coined term!
Also, your writing is becoming more lyrical:
“If everyone around me was not obsessed with the lines and creases that come with aging, I don’t think it would have occurred to me to care.”
Thank you Camilo! Also, as someone in my poetry class, I hope you can appreciate how much your compliment means to me. My goal is to improve my prose so I appreciate you saying it's becoming more lyrical. Iambs coming soon!
When I first moved to London, you would’ve thought I’d moved to the desert! My skin was so dry from the hard water. My Aussie roommate even threw out all her make up thinking that was the problem. But it was the water. And after numerous face creams, I finally found one that helped—it turned out to be a jelly like cream that was ironically produced in Canada! Here’s the link (you could prob get it on Amazon in the US): https://www.boots.com/indeed-labs-hydraluron-moisture-jelly-10177191.
Great message though! As someone who hates needles, I don’t see Botox etc in my future so I just hope I age gracefully.
Alexandra, my water is super questionable! I appreciate the share. Even my body, if I don't lotion it every time I shower, I slowly turn into a rock.
I'm also not a fan of needles, maybe that's the real root cause here haha. Thank you for the rec!
"My acceptance of aging must have put some crazy manifestation into the world. Soon after I came to this conclusion, I was unexpectedly gifted a lifetime supply of cleanser and lotion." -- well put, Michelle! Sometimes the whole universe conspires to make sure we get what we need, when we need it. But this time it seems like the opposite. Your "playing hard to get" with aging awareness has played its magic lol! Very nice essay, I really enjoyed it. And the underlying message is powerful.
Haha Silvio, I like the idea that playing hard to get with the universe is what happened. If I'm being honest, I underplayed my desperation for a new lotion. On one of our podcasts, we did the Dreamline exercise from Tim Ferriss' playbook and I go on about how the one thing I wish I could afford was skincare. So this was a lesson for me in learning to dream bigger!
I appreciate your feedback on my draft and comment here!
What a great reminder to focus on what matters and the rest will take care of itself (life receiving that lifetime supply 🤣). All with you on this pro-aging movement and embracing the wrinkles!
Yes, ironically, since embracing aging, I feel as though I get more comments about how young I look. Sometimes I wonder if everything can be oversimplified to acceptance and confidence. I am still all about embracing aging!
Yuss!! Ageing/old age is a natural process, why to bother it? In early buddhist teachings, monks/nuns used to recollect "we are subject to ageing and not exempt from ageing", it helps them to NOT to intoxicate with youth. Thanks for the reminder, I'll probably end up saving a few bucks now.
I love this "subject to ageing, not exempt from ageing" idea! What a helpful reframe. Haha and I hope I can save you a few bucks at some point. I definitely think I will if I can remind myself of this.
I have been thinking so much about pro-aging. This is a great honest piece. Sometimes I wonder if I am pro-aging because, in conventional standards, I am aging well. I'm from filipino descent and wrinkles don't tend come as quickly as others. I also have a thin body, thanks to genetics. I often ask myself, would I feel the same way if my body naturally went "south" with aging?
I really love that you brought this up Stephanie, I've had this same conversation with myself and it's always easier to be "secure" in the things that are going well. For example, if self acceptance means I have to let my body hair grow wild, I know for sure I'm not jumping on that train first. There are other insecurities I have that have deep roots and are complicated by circumstance.
That's why I also think it's good for me to take a step back and examine what are the things that deeply bother me vs what is something that has been sold to me recently. Anti-aging was one the creeped up on me, and I was surprised actually to realize I didn't care that much about it.
There's a lot of layers to this conversations that I don't even know if I have the words to express at this point. I really appreciate the thoughtful comment!
Yes! I am probably going to write about this topic too. Curious, how old are you? I would love to interview people from different ages to get their perspectives on anti-aging/pro-aging. Would you want to chat? I promise I won't bite!
Really thoughtful perspective here Michelle. Thanks for sharing it! My generation is hitting 40 now, and so many people I know are obsessed with skin care. I think your take and reasoning are offer a refreshing alternative. I personally like the way aging well looks. I shock of grey hair and smile lines that suggest a generally happy disposition, reveal the wisdom and and experience we accumulate over time :)
I love that perspective Jon and I agree. I find that naturally, I find a warmness to many of the things that are highlighted as bad. I appreciate the comment!
Fountain of Youth FOMO - LOLL
Also - being suddenly gifted a lifetime supply of cleanser is pretty wild. The older I get the more I kinda believe in a weird sort of karmic mysticism - or like coincidences that are perfectly rational, but are better experienced as like "mystic wonder" - enjoyed ya piece!
I'm happy to hear it resonated Ranjit! I totally agree with you about getting older and believing in a karmic mysticism. I underplayed in this article how much I was manifesting skincare products. I even spoke about it on an episode of my podcast with my sister where we did Tim Ferriss' dreamlining exercise. I literally said, all I really want that I don't have is better skincare products. When I received it, I was like ok, I clearly need to dream bigger haha. I appreciate the comment!
Hi Michelle, I wrote a piece on aging and mentioned your piece in it! I believe I'm a bit older than you and I also have a daughter. It's a different perspective but I think it could resonate. https://stephaniecooley.substack.com/p/i-dont-want-to-grow-old
I'm so excited - reading it now Stephanie!
Great piece, Michelle! A really good execution on taking your personal perspective to make a social observation.
A reframe I have about gray hairs and other signs of aging: we should be so lucky for each of those gray hairs; not everyone lives long enough to enjoy them.
Thank you so much Tai! I love that you said this because it really resonates with me. I have my vanities for sure, but I am also super appreciative for every day I get. We really are lucky for each of those grey hairs!
I was wondering if you were going to mention the elixir that creates beautiful, healthy, elastic, youthful skin. There were some glimmers, some potential avenues, but I couldn't see it in the end!
Haha Eric! I have become to tell my friends that the secret to anti-aging is quitting your job, so you can imagine I'm not the most fun at parties. Maybe I will get into the elixer of youth business instead. Thank you for the comment!
What if, what if there’s an elixir that doesn’t involve quitting your job…?